If I Knew Then What I Know Now

They say a good percentage of people who graduate college do not work in the field in which they majored for a degree.  Maybe one of the reasons people do not work in their field of study is because some other opportunity presented itself.  Then again, maybe something happened in their life that made them have a change of heart and greater passion for something else.

I am clustered in the group of folks that work in the field in which they studied, and I started working in the field of criminal justice while still attending college to gain experience. In the beginning of my career I had a lot of passion and drive for what I was doing, and I was excited every day I went to work eager to help offenders.  The goal was to help those I served to make a positive change in their lives or hope that I would make a small difference with those reentering society after varied lengths of incarceration.

It sounds cliché, but if I only knew then what I know now I would have never majored in criminal justice.  Knowing what I know now about my son and his developmental disability I would have majored in something more meaningful to help my son, other kids like him, and the families raising a child with autism.  Maybe I would have majored in social work, clinical counseling, or some other human services degree.  What I once felt was going to be a life-long career I would enjoy and find some meaningful satisfaction at the end of a work day until retirement is now just a job.  Do not get me wrong, I am pleased to have a job that pays the bills and provides medical benefits for my family, but that is as far as my satisfaction goes. 

After parking my car at work in the mornings I sometimes stare at the building dreading the next 8 hours of my day.  There are moments throughout each day in which I think I am wasting my time sitting in a work cube when I could be helping some family raising a child on the spectrum.  Whether I like what I do or not, I am providing something meaningful to my family; financial stability.  I just feel like I want to do more and have more to offer to people out there dealing with the same thing my family is coping with.  Maybe one of the underlying or subconscious reasons why I started this blog was to reach and share with others this odyssey some of us share together.  Being an introvert, it has been difficult to share with others my thoughts, fears, hopes and the raw reality of raising a child with autism from a father’s perspective, but writing about it or writing in general is something I have always loved to do. 

My wife at times has tried to rationalize with me that it is probably best that I do not work in a field to assist kids and families with autism, because going to my regular job in criminal justice is like a break from our stressful reality.  What my wife forgot is she married a man and by nature we do not think rationally all the time.  So I will pretend as best I can for now that I like my job when I am there, because they pay me.  Then I will come home and do what I love and find meaningful; blogging about raising a child with autism from a father’s perspective and this unique odyssey I share with many others.